sunrise

i prefer the darkness of a sunrise.

it is forgiving. non-judgmental.

it allows me to feel how i feel most mornings.

childless. motherless.

the guilt that comes along with it.

i remember all of my dreams.

in them i do everything differently.

write my history differently.

i erase losing loved ones to addiction

other diseases too; depression and self-loathing.

erase drinking at an early age.

erase dating losers at all ages.

choosing the country over the city.

picking an introverted career like

helping my zio in southern italy herd his sheep

over working in behavioral health.

at age fifty not able to forgive myself

for appreciating the darkness of the sunrise.