some words are too painful to see on paper. words like “i hate you” from my 22 month older sister. sent to me in a text a few years ago. or when my sister wrote me “your nephews don’t even remember you,” a few years before that.

or when my mother’s sister told me “you cannot see your cousins. you are a bad influence,” when i was 15. over 30 years ago.

the time i wrote #metoo on facebook. that was one of the hardest. always wanting to seem strong.

i don’t easily forget the hateful or malicious words spoken or written to me. ask me what someone has said to me that was positive. maybe even a compliment. i promise you. i am not writing this for effect. i could not tell you one thing. not one word.