i wonder when my heart will feel less heavy. when the past will stay tucked in like the elderberry sapling I help plant at my community garden. painstakingly digging a 3 foot hole so the roots will hold strong whether we have weeks of hot sun or months of darkness. i let my mind wander to when my heart felt more free. when my mother was alive. spending hours searching the discount rack at macy’s. Our challenge always the same. something of good quality for $10. or less. when a kinder world existed through cards and letters sent in the mail. when words weren’t weapons to scar, cut, or punish.