I wasn’t sure how long it would take to fall from grace. After 15 years I think I finally made it there. Ruining my self-worth was like a melting piece of ice. In the summer it never lasts very long. In the winter there is some reprieve. It feels like that. Everything I worked so hard for slips away in minutes. I blame my shortcomings on getting caught up with my deep desire to never see another suffer. Never have a colleague feel the pain that I know she is feeling. We all got here from feeling that pain. The guilt. Deep sadness. Unabashed trauma. Like that piece of ice it takes no time to melt. It takes what seems like years to refreeze.
i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.