I want to say so many words. But can’t. They seem to get jumbled. Or I cannot figure out how to describe the words without sounding drunk.

I have been having so many vivid dreams. Sometimes even day dreams. My mind seems to want to change my past. Change the men I gave myself to. Never moving away from my mother. Maybe carrying that pregnancy to term.

Staying at home has done that to me. Letting my thoughts cycle through my life. Closing my eyes to imagine my life so differently. Regret. Guilt. Pain. I can no longer remember any other moments.