i stopped being skinny at age 30

my skinny self had not been good to me.

other young women’s skinny led to

years of athletic confidence

marriage and kids.

my skinny self

led to thinking it was normal

when a guy fingered me

at a Prince concert

having no room to move

no voice to scream.

my skinny self

trusted a confused college counselor

who asked me out on a date

after i shared about

that night of unwanted sex

our counseling sessions had ended

when he asked me out to dinner

telling me i was so beautiful

that he would never treat me

the way other men had.

being 40 pounds heavier has given me hypertension, joint pain

disapproval from my parents.

but i no longer fear that my arms and legs are too weak to

punch someone in the throat

kick someone in the balls

being 40 pounds heavier

lets the bruises, that abortion

that complete lack of self worth

sit still in my past.