I shared earlier what I want to do in the 9 months I have left in my 40’s. Some silly. A few even sillier. My list included make a key lime pie! Take a girls trip! Skinny dip in the Atlantic Ocean! Really? Really?

So I’m taking another stab at it. I hope I get it better this time.

I will not call myself fat ever again.

  • My body has been through so much. It has run a marathon. It has gained 30 pounds. It has beared witnessed to mother’s slow death. It has been placed around destructive people.

I will never complain about my father calling me too much.

  • Before my mom’s brain became diseased she told me she couldn’t eat dinner until we talked on the phone. Sometimes I would be at happy hour. On a date. Too depressed to talk. I got annoyed sometimes. On occasion I would call her at 8 pm knowing she was starving. I would give anything to call my mother exactly at 5:30 so she could sit and eat in peace.

I will let relationships go.

  • I have tried to hold onto people who were judgmental. Shaming. Terrible listeners. Exes. People I thought were intellectuals. I wanted to be an intellectual too.

i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.