i must admit to you
that i am trying tomorrow
just one more time
another self-help group.
it has not gone well.
when i was 29 and attending
an ALNON meeting.
for the first and subsequent last time
i sobbed for 30 minutes straight
without taking a breath or blinking
i told my history of dating him.
an alcohol abuser.
not even the functioning kind.
when i finally shut up
someone said staring straight into
my blood shot eyes
what about your relationship with alcohol.
no one else said a word as i walked out of the
church basement. the humid city air
felt so cool against my burning skin.
or the time i said nothing week after week
people shared how their depression made them so
debilitated. they were so grateful for this group
that made them feel normal.
i got called out by some 30 something guy
who wondered out loud
why did i not share. everyone shared.
he was right. i did not.
i was right. he sounded like a punk.
i was no punk. cause i knew that raw grit
kept me alive so now almost 25 years later
i will try again. tomorrow.