i know what feeling depressed feels like. i have felt depressed most of my life. periods of listening to the same depressing song over and over again. drinking peach schnapps at 16 while my parents went to the bank to cash their paychecks. eating an entire family size bag of doritos while watching television. not moving from the spot on the couch until every dorito is gone.

my mother being diagnosed with dementia has brought my depression to an entire new level of dysfunction. i might shower. or not. i stopped shaving all of my body. i go to work at the last possible moment. plow through the day without taking a breath. come home. kiss my beautiful husband. put on a t-shirt and sweatpants. in bed at 7:30 pm. i would have talked to my mom 3–4 times. 1–2 times to my dad. everyday is the same.

i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.

i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.