i forgot

i forgot for maybe a few years or a decade

what it was like to feel alone.

when the love of others was conditional.

like the way you made me feel under the blurred moon.

words flowed from your mouth like i had never heard before

bottled like the italian wine my nonna made when she

was alive. it could start a car i would tell her.

nonna would say good. it will make you forget.

you told me i was jealous and in competition

i wondered who the fuck you were talking to.

You were supposed to clasp my face with your hands. affirm how i feel. say i am sorry my love.

Praise me for being the best thing that’s ever happened to you

and that you would do better. you couldn’t. you wouldn’t.

i retreated as far away from you as possible. you let me.

fuck. what a time to only have 1/2 bottle left of the crispiest and driest rosé.

i know what i always knew. that i am forever alone.

alone to feel desperate. alone to feel the ebb and flow of misery.

i cannot believe i convinced myself that you were ever going to

feel me in a way to feel safe.

i do not feel safe. I never felt safe.

i knew the night i screamed so loud……….no………

i knew you heard me……you just were so swept away by my beauty that you forgot to stop.

never did i think i would feel like that way again until i did.