i forgot for awhile
maybe a few years
or a decade
what it was like to feel alone.
when the love of others was conditional.
like the way you made me feel under the blurred moon.
words flowed from your mouth like i had never heard before
bottled like the italian wine my nonna made when she
was alive. it could start a car i would tell her.
nonna would say good. it will make you forgot.
you told me i was jealous and in competition
i wondered who the fuck are you talking to.
i told you to stop. affirm how i feel. say i am sorry my love.
you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me
and that you would do better. you couldn’t. you wouldn’t.
i retreated as far away from you as possible. you let me.
fuck. what a time to only have 1/2 bottle left of the crispiest and driest rose.
i know what i always knew. that i am forever alone.
alone to feel desperate. alone to feel the ebb and flow of this misery.
i cannot believe i convinced myself that you were ever going to
peel that away so i could feel safe.
i do not feel safe. i knew the night i screamed so loud……….no………
that i knew you heard me……you just were so swept away by my beauty that you forgot to stop.
never did i think i would feel like that way again until i did.