i finally whisper these words to myself

“i will die someday.”

i could never imagine in my 50 years that i would say that.

i finally did. just a few days ago.

i realized i will probably die after my 82 year old father who relies on our 7:30 am, 12:30 pm, 5:30 pm, and 7:30 pm daily calls.

my husband will be fine.

i was able to reconcile in my mind that the 2 most important human beings in my life since my mother died will be dead. or okay.

there is a sense of, i take a deep breath in, slow deep breath out

that i will die. and be okay.