i feel guilty normalizing my mother’s dementia. i have three responses for her multiple phone calls.

“yes. i am coming to pick you up.”

“stay with daddy where you are.”

“you are home mom.”

i don’t cry most days anymore. if i want the closest thing to my mom i call her at 10 am. she remembers me. she asks me how i am. tells me to wear my hat and scarf because it is cold. and it is cold outside.

i only wake up 3 times per night now. so much better than not falling asleep at all. i think of how my mother is cared for by dad. all the meals made by him. the medicine given out at the exact times prescribed. it helps me fall back asleep.

her one medication costs $4000 per month. $1000 with insurance. i beg the doctor for free samples. willing to do anything to get my mom the medication that eases some of her psychotic symptoms. this time the doctor obliged.