My sister is a lawyer who told me she cannot give me legal advice.
“I really can’t. You know my job.”
You mean your job as a lawyer?
“Sure. Well I gotta go look up how to present evidence,” and quickly press the red phone button.
Fuck. It’s 53 pages. I immediately call my colleague Sara who is the only person willing to assist me as a wanna be esquire on this civil case against me.
“Don’t worry Adriana, we will split the reading and get together on a workday. I’m here to help you darling.”
“Thanks boo. You are the only one who gives a shit.”
The background to this story is a client we serve is suing me civilly for $10,000. As a wanna be esquire, I have already researched and implemented a motion of temporary restraining. That’s a W for sure. I represented myself in court which honestly did not go well. That’s a big fucking L. Hence my task to read the 53 page document from the courts with how to represent yourself in a civil case. Although according to the mediator who cannot give me advice, she gave me some advice.
“Please ensure your agency’s attorney packages and submits all evidence to the judge ahead of time. She needs a chance to read it.”
“I don’t have an attorney helping me through the agency I am employed with.”
“Really? Well since you technically represent yourself in this civil case, I would google it.”
“Thanks, I’ll do that.”
This is so fucking stupid. This is more fucking stupid than group therapy.
Thought: I am going to drink the bottle of not as dry French rosé in the fridge , eat the amazingly spicy calabrese salami with the sharp provolone, oh and the mixed olives in the herbed olive oil, and gut through the 53 pages with how to represent myself and submit evidence in a civil case.
Opposite: I’m going to sit in my bedroom with my chamomile tea with local lavender honey and highlight the different instructions in different color highlighters.
Middle: okay Adriana. I know there is a middle. Right? Hmmmmm….i could drink 1/2 bottle of the rosé and eat more provolone and less salami.
That feels right to me.