Falling from grace can be hard and fast. Like when my ex- friend planned a happy hour when she traveled back into town. I just can’t do this I thought. I’m so tired. I’m so depressed. I cannot listen to one more story. Or one more emotional proclamation. I knew she would understand.

“I know we were supposed to get together like an hour ago. I mean it’s okay that you are running late. I just can’t get together tonight. I really need to go to bed.”

That was not a lie. At 8:15 pm in the summer I needed to go to bed.

“Okay. That’s fine.”

The conversation ended. I didn’t think much of it. She was pissed. I was a combination of depressed and tired so that was that.

That’s the moment i fell from grace with her. After several weeks of silence she told me she couldn’t be my friend anymore. She told me I wasn’t emotionally available. True. That was I so selfish with my time. That’s 100% true. I wasn’t the kind of friend who wanted to chat on the phone and fill each other in on the daily shit. Truer wants have not been said.

I don’t think she liked that I agreed with her. She hung up. I fell from grace not knowing how her new life is. The son she adopted. The death of her father from the same thing my mother died from. That was that.

i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.