As my mother’s health continues to decline, i continue to feel more depressed. feeling depressed in today’s world is not easy. i am an okay listener. i ask questions. am relatively curious. so people tell me things. i can normally walk away. compartmentalize what has been told to me. horrific abuse. addiction both past and present. celebrating a survivor’s journey. trying not to judge a perpetrators past.

then there are life events like my mother being diagnosed with dementia. my sister ending our relationship. processing my own pain through dissociation mixed with liquor and anger. as a 47 year old sometimes i feel like i cannot feel anymore sadness like i did at age 16 when i watched my mother cry and scream and then sleep for days. at age 19 when i could not get away. all of the deaths in my family. the deaths of the participants i have served over 20 years. i guess i wish for the day that no one has to experience or bear witness to debilitating suffering and pain.