As I sat on the bathroom floor, blood being pinched at my nostrils, a condition i had since a kid, i thought….I cannot handle one more thing.
I can’t handle another thought of how I drank too much. Fucked too much. My sister calling me white trash. That I would never amount to anything. How I let him deal cocaine out of my apartment. Stay out for days on end with her. The true love of his life.
How I promised my mother I would keep her alive another 20 years. I let her down. No grandchildren. No white wedding.
I thought about what I read today. All things come to an end. That guy dealing coke out of my apartment left. Moved out and moved in with her the same night. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up with an amazing man who I love. Respect. Who makes me laugh. My mother’s suffering ended. I never wanted to let her go, but she needed me to. I had to be self-less that day.
The bloody nose stopped too. I wiped down the bathroom ceramic tile with organic smell good spray. Something a white trash girl would know nothing about.