50

there were a few periods in my life.

that i almost pleased my mom.

wedding magazines full of virgin white dresses.

we sat over full fat cappuccinos.

a local bookstore.

we would normally drive right past.

to the macy’s at the mall.

my mother said proudly.

said loudly.

“yes, adriana. you are going to show off your beautiful curly hair.

just like your nonna’s. in a white veil. using her antique hairpins.”

i promised to move away from this city.

that took me away from you.

move around the corner. that house was so beautiful.

bright white. with a copper accented roof. circle driveway.

that would be perfect for dropping off

picking up my mother mentioned.

one of the worst phone calls.

where i again broke my mother’s heart.

literally in a million pieces.

when i told her i ended the relationship.

“i just didn’t love him like that.”

“adriana, i didn’t love your father like that.

we had you and your sister. that’s how life works.”

i am a first generation italian-american who grew up in southern new jersey. Life is amazingly beautiful and devastating. Sometimes in the same day.